A very good friend of mine once said, "If you're paranoid, you probably should be.". While I don't necessarily think I'm paranoid I am afraid of a pending doom. I want to run through the streets shouting and warning people to prepare themselves. My problem is I'm not an effective orator. When I start talking about my passions I tend to sound preachie. That's a turn off, even to me. The thought then occurred to use this medium to at least begin sharing but there again when I start plotting out a thread I tend to go down roads that put people to sleep. Personally I find my best writing comes from inspirations I've been recently mulling over. I've come to rest on the solution that I'll simply tell everyone what I'm doing and let them decide if there's any merit.
The doom that is giving me the heebie geebies has to down with Western civilizations economy. I fear that we are going to be thrust into an economic down turn that may make the Great Depression look paltry. I fear that we (Westerners) have lost perspective with how wealthy we rally are. But I won't preach, I will talk about my position and what I've been doing.
My .beautiful and intelligent wife has done a wonderful job of grounding me even further than I was previous to meeting her. I have always been of the mindset that I need to live below my means. Unfortunately I haven't made the brightest decisions in the past and wound up paying a very heavy price. After 16 years of bailing out from those missteps I am finally able to have a little bit of savings in the bank instead of paying gobs of money in interest every month. Now that I'm getting clear though I'm finding that my desire to live below my means is not so easy. I make a decent salary, a bit above the average but by no means anywhere near the double income that my DW and I brought in when she was working full time outside the home.
Still we are wealthy compared to most of the world. We have one car but there's no doubt it will start every single morning. We have a lot of living space. I think we still need to do more. DW goes to great lengths to be frugal. She actually does a wonderful job of making meals from scratch. Heck, she even makes laundry and dishwasher soap from scratch. Maybe it's the Mennonite in me that makes me worry. Could it be genetic?
As the fear looms in my mind I find I am becoming more passionate in everything I do. My work, my chores and my relationships are becoming more intense. I am finding myself moving away from the luxuries of my life and desiring a simpler more plain life. I enjoy chopping wood on the weekends. I really find I am caring more for coworkers and customers. I want to make a difference in others lives more than ever before. The difference is that I don't have to force it anymore. By keeping things simple I find my head is clearer.
Maybe it's not a fear of doom but simply the fact that I'm becoming (gasp) mature? I don't know but 'm enjoying the way things are turning out. Maybe this is the midlife crisis I thought I was starting to enter. If it is I'm really liking it. Except for the part of the pending doom but if there is trouble around the corner I'll be ready.
Pilgrim
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